Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Hi everyone

XMas brought its usual mix of joy and grief, in about equal measure. Family things always magnify during the holidays. I spent most of XMas Day itself on my own. Got very fed up and didn't feel like going to my sister's for the day. Did drink. Not a huge amount, but some. No sense of guilt, it was just a very bad day only made so much better by a visitor. It was only one of two glimmers of brightness during the holiday. In fact, a rather great glimmer. Had a very small amount to drink on Boxing Day, when I got the second glimmer of brightness.

It's been a bit awkward and dark emotionally, to be honest. My head has felt quite screwed up on occasions. Had a feeling of paranoia, and fear. Like I had when I had acute Baclofen withdrawal. I admit a took a few Tramadol too many. Don't know why at all, but I was OK in the end and all the rest of the Tramadol has been thrown down the toilet!! It gave me terrible shakes, almost like convulsions in my arms. Horrible. It frightened the family to death.

Don't laugh, but I was personally blessed by a priest on Boxing Day evening. Laying on of hands etc. The full Monty. It's not remotely funny, but if you knew me personally you would most definitely have a (not so)quiet giggle to yourself. Even though it was just the most terrible few hours, if I told you about it face to face, I would have you laughing your socks off. I'm not even a Catholic! But it was a very fine and kind thing to have happen, and I'm extremely grateful to him. And to Julie for taking the trouble to arrange it. It can't have been easy for her. Especially dragging her away from the kids at Christmas. But it's an ill-wind, as they say, and because of it, I got to see my stepdaughter Sophie, and it was simply wonderful to see her smile at me. I haven't seen her for so long. I even missed her birthday last week. But it was like we had never been apart. Aren't kids amazing? Heartbreaking.

With two extremely notable exceptions, one of which is very well known to many of you who have known this site from its inception, Julie has never done anything but try to do her very best to help me. It seems that when she does finally blow, the whole world gets to find out!! It all just went horribly wrong. Never ever run out of Baclofen. Probably four months on, and I can still feel the consequences in my head, and I know that its repercussions and fallout are all around me.

But I'm off the drink without increasing the Baclofen. So, all in all still really good with regard to the booze.

Baclofen still 50, 50. Few cravings but nothing much. No alcohol since Boxing Day.

I had a song for you to listen to today (if any of you do), "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor. But as ever I woke up with a song darting around my sad excuse for a brain. It is "Eminence Front" by The Who. In many respects a most untypical Who song (too funky for these rockers), but the first time I heard it blew me away. Pete Townsend is a massively underrated guitarist. He is a fantastic song writer, but his playing is not recognised as much as it deserves. I first saw The Who in 1972, when I was 11! This is from 2007, and they're still at it. Eminence Front. It is amazing.

I have a confession to make here. I absolutely love this song, but have only just listened to it with open ears. The rest of this Diary entry is now my TFTD. Isn't it funny how things happen?

Eminence Front. How clever is Mr Townsend? I didn't get it until now. I'd just never listened to the words properly. He's one of us, you know. Well, now you do.

If you're into music, it is also amazing how much it helps you when you feel so low, that ending it all seems like a good option. But people much cleverer than me have worked that out already. Next time, I'll just dig out a guitar (if I knew where they were) and put on a CD (if I knew where they were) and gonk in front of a mirror (I daren't even look in one of those these days!!). Then I'm sure it would pass.

Please look at TFTD.

Christmas? Now that is overrated. And I've got 200 XMas videos! I jest not. The saying goes "you should get out more". Just look what happens when I do get out. Or am I let out?!! 200 Christmas videos collected over 25 years. And I didn't even have any kids until Julie and I eventually got together 5 years ago. Dear God. It's no wonder I drink. Sorry, I meant drank. A Freudian Slip - my favourite cocktail. Ha!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfGOGv4aock

Take care, you lot.
It's good to be back.
Pip xx