Sorry there wasn't a Diary entry for yesterday. Very very bad day again. Severe pain in my right side, barely controlled by the turbo nutter analgesics. That and something else caused major problems at home. For the first time in my life, I seriously considered whether it was all worth it. Told my brother-in-law about what I feared was just round the corner, including the fact that I avealready decided that if I need a liver transplant, I am going to respectfully decline. We have all just watched my aunt take two horrible years to die. It's just too much for people who love you to bear. Better to do it quickly and leave happy memories. We even discussed living wills etc. Not a good day, at all.
Spent much of the day in bed. I'm exhausted through lack of sleep and worry. Managed to keep up with all the e-mails and thread. They really cheer me up.
Baclofen 40, 40, 50. No cravings, but got all the involuntary muscle twitching in my arms, and that funny 'eye filter' effect back again.
Atenolol 100x2, and all the pain killers.
The Sword of Damocles indeed.
Desperately wanted to speak to someone, but I couldn't.
Sorry to be so dark, but this Diary has no relevance if I am not honest.
Pip xx
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Oh my!!! I really hope it doesn't come to that, Phillip.... Was just talking about this subject last night, ending it, quickly rather than... Well, my uncle had life support for 3 months(damn catholics!!) sorry if I offended anyone.....
ReplyDeleteI feel so poorly that you are not well, we are all here for you, wish I could give you a huge hug, you need one right now!
We will all be thinking and sending positive healing thoughts your way, MA