Baclofen - Curing My Alcoholism

Baclofen 50, 50, 50

Much less tiredness. Feel OK. No cravings. Feel quite horny actually. What a shame!

Pip x

Baclofen - Curing My Alcoholism

Baclofen 50, 50, 50.

Feel OK actually.

See you on other bits of my site if you can be bothered. If you cant, then "bye bye".

Your loss.

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing My Alcoholism

Baclofen 50, 50, 50.

Why the increase? Too many horrible things going on. Too many stresses. Don't want to succumb to them.

I won't let myself.

Felt unbelievably woozy, wobbly, shaky etc with the increase.

It will pass, so will some the daemons that came back. Christmas does that.

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Hi everyone

XMas brought its usual mix of joy and grief, in about equal measure. Family things always magnify during the holidays. I spent most of XMas Day itself on my own. Got very fed up and didn't feel like going to my sister's for the day. Did drink. Not a huge amount, but some. No sense of guilt, it was just a very bad day only made so much better by a visitor. It was only one of two glimmers of brightness during the holiday. In fact, a rather great glimmer. Had a very small amount to drink on Boxing Day, when I got the second glimmer of brightness.

It's been a bit awkward and dark emotionally, to be honest. My head has felt quite screwed up on occasions. Had a feeling of paranoia, and fear. Like I had when I had acute Baclofen withdrawal. I admit a took a few Tramadol too many. Don't know why at all, but I was OK in the end and all the rest of the Tramadol has been thrown down the toilet!! It gave me terrible shakes, almost like convulsions in my arms. Horrible. It frightened the family to death.

Don't laugh, but I was personally blessed by a priest on Boxing Day evening. Laying on of hands etc. The full Monty. It's not remotely funny, but if you knew me personally you would most definitely have a (not so)quiet giggle to yourself. Even though it was just the most terrible few hours, if I told you about it face to face, I would have you laughing your socks off. I'm not even a Catholic! But it was a very fine and kind thing to have happen, and I'm extremely grateful to him. And to Julie for taking the trouble to arrange it. It can't have been easy for her. Especially dragging her away from the kids at Christmas. But it's an ill-wind, as they say, and because of it, I got to see my stepdaughter Sophie, and it was simply wonderful to see her smile at me. I haven't seen her for so long. I even missed her birthday last week. But it was like we had never been apart. Aren't kids amazing? Heartbreaking.

With two extremely notable exceptions, one of which is very well known to many of you who have known this site from its inception, Julie has never done anything but try to do her very best to help me. It seems that when she does finally blow, the whole world gets to find out!! It all just went horribly wrong. Never ever run out of Baclofen. Probably four months on, and I can still feel the consequences in my head, and I know that its repercussions and fallout are all around me.

But I'm off the drink without increasing the Baclofen. So, all in all still really good with regard to the booze.

Baclofen still 50, 50. Few cravings but nothing much. No alcohol since Boxing Day.

I had a song for you to listen to today (if any of you do), "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor. But as ever I woke up with a song darting around my sad excuse for a brain. It is "Eminence Front" by The Who. In many respects a most untypical Who song (too funky for these rockers), but the first time I heard it blew me away. Pete Townsend is a massively underrated guitarist. He is a fantastic song writer, but his playing is not recognised as much as it deserves. I first saw The Who in 1972, when I was 11! This is from 2007, and they're still at it. Eminence Front. It is amazing.

I have a confession to make here. I absolutely love this song, but have only just listened to it with open ears. The rest of this Diary entry is now my TFTD. Isn't it funny how things happen?

Eminence Front. How clever is Mr Townsend? I didn't get it until now. I'd just never listened to the words properly. He's one of us, you know. Well, now you do.

If you're into music, it is also amazing how much it helps you when you feel so low, that ending it all seems like a good option. But people much cleverer than me have worked that out already. Next time, I'll just dig out a guitar (if I knew where they were) and put on a CD (if I knew where they were) and gonk in front of a mirror (I daren't even look in one of those these days!!). Then I'm sure it would pass.

Please look at TFTD.

Christmas? Now that is overrated. And I've got 200 XMas videos! I jest not. The saying goes "you should get out more". Just look what happens when I do get out. Or am I let out?!! 200 Christmas videos collected over 25 years. And I didn't even have any kids until Julie and I eventually got together 5 years ago. Dear God. It's no wonder I drink. Sorry, I meant drank. A Freudian Slip - my favourite cocktail. Ha!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfGOGv4aock

Take care, you lot.
It's good to be back.
Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Julie says my Diary has gone really down market. That all I talk about is sex. So, on Christmas Day, I send you this. We wanted it on our wedding day 19 months ago, but it was perceived as being too religious. Dear God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgZ54CvMlu8

Merry Christmas

This is who I am, my friend.

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Look.

I know, and you know, that there's only a handful of us out there today.

So, two songs for the price of one. Both are UK songs to do with young chaps doing things to themselves whilst thinking of their first loves. Or indeed any love. How sweet is that?

The first is "Teenage Kicks" by The Undertones - possibly the best song ever written
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oskM5XD_Yc4

The next is "Turning Japanese" by The Vapours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEmJ-VWPDM4

Have you ever watched a man come? Of course you have. We turn Japanese! He's now a respectable British lawyer, btw. Ha!!

Love you all xxxxxxx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

What a result with my scan. What a relief.

I have nothing much more to say today that isn't already in TFTD.

The 'Song For Today' is perfect for my mood with my 'Shit for Brains Sister' tonight. "Your scan. That's OK. 'Cos it just showed you're fat. We cud've saved them the trouble."

Idiot. Ignorant. Insensitive. A lawyer.

You will never have heard this song before. E-mail me and prove me wrong!

It's Eric Clapton (Derek & The Dominoes) with "Bell Bottom Blues".

I got my first 7 inch single vinyl version of 'Layla' in 1974. I was 12/13 years old. This was the 'flip side'. I loved it then, and still do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZNL0wvIj78

You will be hooked. Forever. Stick two fingers up at my sister when you listen to it. I shall. Ha!!

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

I case I don’t get around to it on Tuesday morning, I’m doing my Diary entry on Monday evening. I’ve got my liver scan in the morning, and so might be a little preoccupied. Judging by how scared and short tempered I am tonight, it probably will.

Pretty good day all considered. Not taken any Tramadol at all ‘cos of side effects and wanting to see if my liver pain would breakthrough again. It has a little, but maybe only 25% of what it was before. All the side effects of the Tramadol have gone too, which is excellent. I am extremely tired, and had to sleep in the afternoon. Probably just catching up with me after about 2 weeks without a proper sleep.

Baclofen 50mg only. If I do not need Tramadol at all from now on, I will go back to my normal maintenance dose.

No cravings at all. No thought of alcohol at all. No alcohol at all. I'm amazed, given what is going on this evening one way or another. Normally, the traumas that are around me tonight would have had me drinking antifreeze if that was all I could find!

Song for Today – just for the record, Sirens were a Greek mythological group of several evil spirit “bird women”. They had a song that lured ships onto rocks. The song always took place at midday, when the sea was calm. And at the end of the song was always death for the sailors. Just thought I would clarify that.

Today’s song holds a very special place in my heart. It has always been a favourite of mine, but it took on a whole new meaning a couple of years ago, which will never leave me.

It is Alexander O’Neal, with “Criticise”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CySYwZNH65I

Wish me luck with the scan.

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Is there no end to it? On my first day with Tramadol, I vomited so much that, whilst I had absolutely no pain, I was kept awake by heartburn. Which I almost never normally get. Last night, whilst I had absolutely no pain, I was kept awake with three particularly strange new symptoms.

The first, was shooting “electric” pains in my rectum. It goes under the fancy medical name of proctalgia fugax.. Very unpleasant. The second was “loose” stools. Yep, I now have diarrhoea. The third was profound itching in the same area. It goes under the fancy medical name of “pruritus ani”. I now call it IAS (the I stands for itchy, the S stands for syndrome. You can guess for yourself what the A stands for). Man, it has driven me to distraction. I need some sleep. And yes, they’re all side effects of Tramadol. I have never suffered from them before.

Now, I am a great fan of Emerson, Lake and Palmer, but this is one ELP that I don’t like! A real “bum” trio! Ha!! It’s a good job that my sense of humour is indestructible.

But it leads me on neatly to the subject of Polypharmacy that I shall discuss in TFTD.

Baclofen 50 only. Decided not to take any more than that whilst I am on Tramadol. Tramadol 50mg x 6. Going to start weaning myself off them tomorrow, and see if the liver pain comes back. No cravings. No alcohol.

The “Song for Today” is This Mortal Coil’s version of “Song To The Siren”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUmdR69nbM

If you have never heard this, you are in for a real treat. A hauntingly beautiful love song, sung in her unique style by Elizabeth Frazer, better known for her work with the Cocteau Twins. In a former life, this song was introduced to me by my own siren. On New Years Eve this year, it will be exactly 20 years to the day since she did so.

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing our Alcoholism

Sorry, forgot the Song For Today
Mr Paul Weller - the Modfather
You Do Something To Me. In a former life, I could play this, including the guitar solo. Those were the days!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6jCFEhMPs0

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing our Alcoholism

Another terrible day with the Tramadol, but so long as it continues to get rid of that liver pain then I'm not going to stop it.
Had desperately hoped to do something really special, but it was cancelled at the last moment. As so often happens around Christmas, people's arrangements get changed because of the inclement weather. Unfortunately, it had a knock-on effect that didn't help at all. As also frequently happens around Christmas, emotions run high, and things get taken too far.
The problem with Baclofen and polypharmacy is that we have little to go on with regards to the way we might react to adverse events. It appears that frequently, we start to act out of character. I know that I do. It's an interesting point that I have decided to pursue on the site.
Baclofen 50mg only. Tramadol 50mg x 6. Few cravings. No alcohol.

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Sorry no Diary entry or TFTD yesterday. I'm afraid that I really wasn't up to it. Did a few e-mails, but that was all.
After 2 hours of messing around, I finally got my blood results. Not great. Gamma GT (reasonably alcohol damage related) is 5 times the upper limit of normal. Actually, that's not too horrendous for a boozer!! My bilirubin, whilst still the normal range, has doubled in a week. My alkaline phosphatase (a liver enzyme) was at the upper limit of normal a week ago. It is now 3 times that. My red blood cells are a little swollen (again alcohol related). On the basis of my excrutiating liver pain and thigh paraesthesia, my liver scan has been brought forward to next Tuesday, and I have started Tramadol.
First the good news. The Tramadol has got rid of all of my pains totally. I can now sleep for the first time in 2 weeks.
Now for the bad news. Interacting with Baclofen, I have had almost every side effect of Tramadol. Yesterday, I spent the whole day vomiting, itching, with a totally dry mouth and blurred vision. I actually fainted twice. But that is all worth it to stop that terrible terrible pain. I intend to cover the issue of Polypharmacy in a later TFTD. And rarely, it can mess up your LFT's to boot!
Didn't take the evening Baclofen, so just 40mg. Tramadol 50mgx4 (held back on the last dose of that too). No cravings. No alcohol.
On a last note of optimism. I am as tough as old boots, physically and mentally very strong, and always see the best in everything. The eternal optimist. And I have a great and wicked sense of humour. Often aimed at myself.
Every day, without fail, as soon as I wake up a different song comes into my head immediately, and it stays around all day. On my pc, I have a collection of my most favourite songs. It currently stands at almost 700. And they're just my favourites. So I figure that if I share them with you one every day, it will take me over 2 years to get through them. Now, there's someting to aim for!!
So, totally tongue in cheek, I'm going to start you off with this.
Alice Cooper with "I Love The Dead"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuyGecXu4zw
It is one of my favourite Alice Cooper songs. Has been since I bought Billion Dollar Babies in about 1973. Enjoy.
Speak tomorrow with renewed vigour, energy and enthusiasm for the fight.
Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Baclofen 40, 40 (so far), Atenolol 100x2, now on Tramadol for liver pain. No paracetamol, or whatever it is that you Americans call it! Ha!!
Went for re-do of my bloods today. Got my liver scan through for next Tuesday. It still feels like pac man eating his way out of me.
A personal relationship thing that was very important seems to be floundering, which doesn't help.
I've no alcohol craving, as such, but I could murder a 'normal' drink. Don't think I will, though. Tramadol plus high dose Baclofen might be trouble enough on its own!
Keep you posted, and wish me well.
Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Really crappy day. Spent hours on the phone trying to get my LFT's and scan date. Sometimes the system is too complicated to work properly. To cut a very long story short, I have 2 enzyme results and they are both raised. I couldn't get the most important one, of course!! I'm having them all repeated tomorrow, given the amount of Co-codamol I have taken since last Friday. My scan is being expedited because I'm having such severe liver pain. It feels like I've got a cannon ball-sized Pac Man in my belly trying to chomp his way out. It "feels" like there is an almighty lump in there. There probably (hopefully) isn't, but that is what it feels like in my insides! And it scares me.
I had a small bottle of cider. I did not have any cravings at all, but just fancied one like anybody normal would do after a shit of a day. It took me an hour and a half to sip it, I really enjoyed it, but didn't want another.
Baclofen 40, 40. Atenolol 100. Ibuprofen, but I'm not taking any more Co-codamol.

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Baclofen 40, 40, 50, Atenolol 100, turbo nutter pain killers like you wouldn't believe.

No cravings at all. Had a very very stressful meeting with a very very important person, and I just couldn't act like a normal person at all. My nerves are shot. My head is shot. My body is shot. I'm just about surviving.

Maybe I'm not even that.

But I'm not 'anxious' nor am I craving. No alcohol at all. Had lime and soda - lovely. Yeah, right. Boy, did I need a drink before that meeting!!! I couldn't. I didn't.

My liver feels like its trying to eat its way out of my right side today. Such agony, I can't tell you. That might have been because I took too much Co-Codamol on Sunday, but that is a very big story for another day.

Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Sorry there wasn't a Diary entry for yesterday. Very very bad day again. Severe pain in my right side, barely controlled by the turbo nutter analgesics. That and something else caused major problems at home. For the first time in my life, I seriously considered whether it was all worth it. Told my brother-in-law about what I feared was just round the corner, including the fact that I avealready decided that if I need a liver transplant, I am going to respectfully decline. We have all just watched my aunt take two horrible years to die. It's just too much for people who love you to bear. Better to do it quickly and leave happy memories. We even discussed living wills etc. Not a good day, at all.
Spent much of the day in bed. I'm exhausted through lack of sleep and worry. Managed to keep up with all the e-mails and thread. They really cheer me up.
Baclofen 40, 40, 50. No cravings, but got all the involuntary muscle twitching in my arms, and that funny 'eye filter' effect back again.
Atenolol 100x2, and all the pain killers.
The Sword of Damocles indeed.
Desperately wanted to speak to someone, but I couldn't.
Sorry to be so dark, but this Diary has no relevance if I am not honest.
Pip xx

Baclofen - Curing Our Alcoholism

Sorry there wasn't an entry yesterday. Not a good day.
Went to GP. He couldn't get my blood results. Pissed me off a lot.
I was in agony, so he gave me turbo nutter painkillers. Added to my Baclofen, that turned me into a complete space cadet. Think of Brains from Thunderbirds, and you be about right for how I walked and talked!! I'm sure that I even called my dad "Meester T-r-acy" at one stage.
The drug combination made me vomit. And it contained quite a lot of blood for a while. Almost certainly due to an oesophgeal tear due to the strain. But scary and an insult too far yesterday.
But it didn't end there. Horrible cramps in the night. Never had them before. My calves feel like they've been hit by a baseball bat this morning.
And I've got a sore throat. Apart from that, I feel just ticketyboo!
Baclofen 40,40. Atenolol 100, Ibuprofen 400x3, Co-codamol 8/500x8
No real cravings, but I feel like going out and getting thoroughly drunk.
God, how do I hate this HFD (thanks to Trixie for helping me come up with HFD as a euphemism for our alcoholism. H is for horrible. D is for disease. You can guess what the F is for. Trixie is far too much of a lady to have used such language. We kind of worked it out together!)
I'm sticking two fingers up at my HFD this morning!!

Baclofen - Curing My Alcoholism

Well, what a 24 hours.
Yesterday was actually Baclofen 40,40,50. After I had done the Diary, I felt so awful and tired and scared that I had another 50mg Baclofen to help me sleep. I'm sure that it would've done, but I had such an awful pain in my right side and chest, and also the most unbelievable paraesthesia in my right thigh that I couldn't sleep at all.
Finished up in A&E after feeling like I was going to collapse after walking the dog.Long story short here - CXR, ECG, BP, PaO2, PFR all normal. Tons of bloods done. Going to my GP in the morning for the results and to see where we go next.
Today, Baclofen 40,40 (so far). No cravings, which is remarkable, because I am shitting a brick.
Take care
Pip
xx

Curing our Alcoholism

Baclofen 40, 40
Atenolol 100x2
Ibuprofen 400x3
Really bad bad day. I have had a quite bad pain in the right side of my upper abdomen for about a week (yes, I do know what is there, I'm an abdominal surgeon!). Overnight it has become really bad, and moved into the right side of my chest. It hurts to breathe, to move. A cough almost makes me pass out. Seeing doctor on Friday morning. If it gets worse, I'm off to A&E.
Keep you posted.

Curing my Alcoholism

Baclofen 40, 40. Bit more atenolol today 100 x 2, cos my heart rate has been up a little. Felt a bit tired and crappy to be honest early on. Had a lovely bit of cardiovascular exercise this morning though and that helped a lot.
Few cravings today actually, which is unusual. There is a bit of grief around at the moment, so it might be that. I'm not going to increse the Baclofen though. Even if I fancy a cider later!!
Take care you lot
xx

Treating my alcoholism

Baclofen 40, 40 yesterday. Seems OK at the moment.
Still got some Baclofen Woolliness though. But I guess I might be a bit overly tired today.
Ive set myself the challenge to get The Uninvited Guest fully proof read, copy edited and finished by the end of the week.
I'm kind of fed up of looking at it, and myself, now. And lots of you have asked when it will be out there for you to read. Before Christmas is my aim.

Curing my Alcoholism .... I hope

Baclofen 40, 40. Just seeing if I can come down a little. No cravings at all, but occasionally a bit 'spaced out' still, which I don't like.
Nothing else new today

Treating my alcoholism - I hope

Baclofen 50, 50
no cravings, a glass of cider after the funeral, but only today
lots of Baclofen woolliness. My hands and feet have felt like they were in heavy gloves and socks.
Like walking on the moon, but without the carefree bounsyness.
A bit melancholic after the funeral. There's lots of loss in all our lives.
xx

It seems that the Daemons may have gone

Baclofen 50, 50
No cravings, no alcohol, bit of a headache - few visual aura, but nothing too bad.
And for the first full day in about 6 weeks, I have not had a single 'voice' in my head. 24 hours without yet another uninvited guest. Acute Baclofen withdrawal really screwed my head up. It has been without a doubt the scariest thing ever in my life. I now have enough Baclofen to sink a ship!! You must avoid it at all costs.

Advent

I don't know about you, but I always find this a difficult time. I love Christmas, but it doesn't seem to love me. Something always seems to go tits up at this time of year. And it has done again this year.
Anyway, Baclofen 50, 50 and no cravings, and no alcohol
I'm going to the cinema to see the new Christmas Carol film tomorrow, and I can't wait. Christmas may get a kick start then with some juletide festivities